Monday, November 10, 2008
Waves of Emotion!!!!
The past few days have been pretty intense!!!
I had a nasty case of the "reds" last night at work. My lens was in "focus on me" mode. When I am in that head space I am a character assassin and I am the victim of the universe. I cried twice and blamed others for my fears. I felt like an emotional wreck and almost wanted more bad things to happen to prove how much of a "victim" I really was.
It is so easy to see it correctly at this moment, from a new perspective. I am not a victim, I am a survivor. I chose my perception and my reality. I am grateful to have the opportunity and the humility to walk into work today and make amends to my manager/friend.
I don't do so well with feelings. I've spent the last 15 years anesthetizing them with alcohol and when the waves hit, they hit hard and deep and I feel like I will never feel good again. I know its not true, but I'm just a (30 year-old) kid who's learning the ropes of life.